i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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