I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
