I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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