Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
