why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
