i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
