My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
