I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
