She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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