Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
