I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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