Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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