It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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