Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
