you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
