seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
