I think my vagina is haunted
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
