Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
