ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
