Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
