Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
