No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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