it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
