I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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