final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
