In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
