No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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