Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
