we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
