remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
