Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
