Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
