she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
