so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
