All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dicks are not precious.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
