i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
