If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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