Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
