shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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