I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my liver is dry heaving
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
