Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
