i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
