The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
