my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
