So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had sex on a roof
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
