I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
