Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
