Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
