I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
