Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
