The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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