Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
