it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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