WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
