I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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